A Letter I Leave to You
by psycho-uchiha
Summary: Dear Sasuke, I feel like I'm dead to the world, like my soul has left my body and it can't come back to me. I know you guys have tried to help me feel better, to be happy and the way I used to be. But now I can't even remember what it was to be like that since it's been so long.- Major character death, mpreg, suicide, complete!


**Author's Note; I know, I'm supposed to be working on Kowareta, My Life as a Roller Coaster and the sequel to Help Me, but I need to get some of these short stories I have stuck in my head -now that I can get them written the way I want them to- out or I will suffer mentally with overcrowd. **

**This is my first, official, tragedy besides Why Me from so long ago and I hope everyone likes it, I know it made me cry when I typed some of it out. Oh, and don't ask why some of the letters to his friends are short and some of the others near the end are so long, it's because Naruto knows he didn't have much to say to some of his friends, because he knows them so well.**

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Dear Sasuke,

I feel like I'm dead to the world, like my soul has left my body and it can't come back to me.

I know you guys have tried to help me feel better, to be happy and the way I used to be. But now I can't even remember what it was to be like that since it's been so long.

I hate suffering, and you know that very well, don't you, Sasuke-dan'na? You know all about suffering more than anyone else I know other than Neji-kun, Hina-chan and Gaara-nii.

Enough about me … I hate talking about myself, and you know that too. It seems like you know more about me than I ever realized. No wonder we're married, besides the fact that we love each other … Oops, I'm still talking about me … I guess it can't be helped.

But the point I'm trying to come across, is that I will always love you, Sasuke-dan'na, but even the love you give me isn't enough to fill in the void inside my soul anymore. It's like I can't feel anything inside me anymore, or it's that I don't know how to deal with them anymore, to process them. It's like I've forgotten how.

Sasuke-dan'na, I can't lie to myself anymore and pretending makes me feel like I'm lying to you and that just breaks me even more. So, no more lying to anyone, and I hope you tell everyone not to cry for me, it'll be too sad. They should be happy for me because I'm no longer suffering. I'll be at peace for once, but I have special words for everyone that I'd like you to relay for me;

For Hina-chan, I'm sorry for what I've done to you by not giving you the love you deserved. You shouldn't look up to me, because I failed you. You should look up to your cousin more often. He's changed more than he's willing to accept, and I think he's the best choice too look up to as a person, because he's the best person I know.

For Sakura-chan, I know I screw up, a lot, and that sometimes it's forceful … but I always did it because we would always laugh in the end. Your laugh is beautiful, just like your smile. You need to smile more, especially for Lee now that I know you two are dating. He's always told me how your smiles are like a bud blossoming in the spring time, and it's true. So keep smiling.

For Sai, I know we didn't know each other for very long, and, hell, you really pissed me off when we first met. But, after getting to know you, and after the two of us spending time together on missions and on our off time, I really got to know you. You're a really amazing guy now that you know what you're doing when it comes to emotions. Just, stay away from the books, some of them can be misleading, as you've learned, but I know you're trying your best. And try to be happy, I know that you'll be needed to cheer up and remind people how good life can be. I know you know how, especially after everything that's happened after the war. Just keep your chin up and you'll be great! Oh, and keep Sakura and Ino on their toes, but don't go pushing, they'll keep you a permanent resident at the hospital with some of the stuff you can come up with. Just make sure everything you say is positive, and everything will go fine. Oh, and maybe reverse psychology -like that one time you used on Sakura while I was training to make my rasenshuriken- will be perfect.

For Neji, don't take my leave as giving up, think of it as me carving out my destiny, my fate, but also something that I chose for myself, like your father did, because we all chose how we go in the end, and that's just like freedom.

For Tenten, you have been a great friend and comrade, I would always chose to have you, along with everyone else, at my side. To fight along side. I would deem you worthy of being legendary, for there's no one as great at weaponry like you, and I truly mean that. You've lived up to your dream, now keep living it.

For Lee, you are a great sparing partner and a dear friend. You've always been on my mind since the chuunin exams we met at. I'm glad we met too, you've taught me to be youthful, I wish you to continue to do the same. Keep Sakura happy for me, I know you will.

For Kiba, you were always an ass, but a great friend. I wish we could have spent more time as friends than bickering at each other, but that's how we've become who we are today. Tell Akamaru to lay off the treats, he's getting too big still.

For Ino, I'm glad you and Sakura are friends once again. I would like you to bring forget-me-nots, yellow roses, rhododendron, narcissus, heather, geranium, jasmine and white roses. You know what they mean, and I've done my homework a long time ago when I was looking for something to give Sasuke those years ago when we first started going out. But either way, I wish you the best with Shikamaru, you two deserve a happy life, your fathers would be proud of you both for coming so far in life and living to its fullest.

For Shikamaru, I know this is all troublesome and down right boring and tiresome for you, but I know how you are and that I know you'll cry in solitude. You're the kind of person that likes to show strength instead, but it's not all that you are, you are a great friend and I know you'll become a great leader some day. I just know it, as long as you put your heart into it, which I know you will no matter how troublesome it'll be. Just do your best and keep Ino happy. If it was my choice, I'd have you as my right hand man if I were to have become Hokage. And if you don't want to be the next Hokage's right hand man, then become Captain of the ANBU unit, your brains will serve best there if not by our leader in person.

For Chouji … don't hate me for this, but lay off of the barbeque once in a while and eat something healthier, you'll make yourself happier if you do, I'm not lying, I've always ate healthy in secret though Sasuke found out one day while he spent time with me in my apartment. He was actually shocked that I had vegetables and fruits in my fridge, and my cabinets not stacked with ramen like when I was young. But, not only that Chouji, but keep your gentle, care free side living. You have a gift to not turn to violence to solve problems. It's a true gift and use it wisely, because when you become a teacher at the Academy, you'll need it. Don't ask me how I think you'll be a teacher, but that's how I see you becoming one day. Be proud, because I know you love kids too.

For Shino, I know we never knew much about each other, and that you've always tried to be friends with me, and I wish I had tried harder. I really do. But that's just another excuse in my opinion, and I seem to be full of them. But, truth is, I tried but my phobia of bugs always got in the way and I'm truly sorry for that, I really am. I hope you can forgive me for it, but I actually don't deserve it.

My favorite food is vegetable miso ramen, my favorite hobby is reading and my favorite past time is spending time with my friends. I remember you once told me your favorite food was winter watermelon, and I never got to truly speak to you about that. We were in the middle of a mission, which, alas, is another excuse that I shouldn't be forgiven for.

For Gaara-nii, Temari-nee-chan and Kankuro-nii, you three deserve each other and you've been through so much. Gaara-nii, I'm so happy you've come to forgive your father, I know he was partially wrong in what he did to you, but you found it in your heart to listen to him and hear the truth, and I'm glad you accepted his apology, because I know in my heart it was sincere. Temari, Kankuro, look after him, he needs all the support he can get because of this, and I know, I shouldn't be asking for anything from either of you.

But please let him know that in doing this, I'm ending the suffering that's been pulsing through my veins since the war ended, and now it's to a point that I can't even find it in myself to be who I used to be. I hope Gaara-nii understands, I really do. And I always think of you three as my brothers and sister, so be happy for your sakes more than my own. If I were to ask the other way, it would be too selfish of me, and I'm selfish enough as it is.

For Kakashi-sensei, you're like a mentor I've never had, you and Yamato-daijou, I'm glad you two had become my teachers to show me how to be a true shinobi. Kakashi-senpai, I had always looked up to you for a long time since our first botched c-ranked mission. And that's the truth, even though I always hid behind my never ending foolishness. I'm glad I was your student, because no one else would have done the amazing work you've done. You're one in a million, and you should keep teaching and once in a while listen to Gai-sensei, he's only trying to help you keep at your best, even if it is a little ridiculous.

Keep Yamato-daijou from going off on Sasuke-dan'na for me, because I know he'll blame someone for my passing, and tell him that no one is to blame, because that's the truth. And keep being a sensei until you retire, you can change many lives and I wish for you to continue doing so. Oh, and I beg you to keep Obito-baka out of trouble, he's been more mischievous than usual, and I know it's because he knows something is going on and that something horrible happened. I know, personally, that he's trying to lighten up everyone's moods, because he knows how it feels to suffer, just like a couple other people I know.

For Iruka-sensei, don't be mad, and don't cry. I know it'll be hard, but I promise that it will be for the best in the end. Just keep thinking that I'm no longer suffering, and that I'm back with my parents and happy.

Keep Sasuke-dan'na from doing anything stupid, I don't want him trying to follow. He'll have a daughter to take care of, since Kurama was a little devious and managed to somehow make it so I got pregnant with his and my child. I named her Yuuki, because our daughter will be courageous, like her fathers. And the little girl needs all the love she can get from Sasuke-dan'na. Don't worry about the child, that will be in the hands of Tsunade-baa-chan, she's known for a while. I hadn't told anyone about it because I wanted it to be a surprise for everyone.

Just … make sure that Sasuke-dan'na will be happy, that's all I ask of you, even if it does sound selfish. And tell Sasuke-dan'na that he'll have a surprise at the hospital. How he can't read these messages to the others, is because I'm using a fuuinjutsu to keep the messages unable to be read by anyone else unless they're reading a message to themselves. I did learn from the master, after all. I just wish he could be alive to see how far I've come …

For Tsunade-baa-chan, I know you'll be completely shocked when you find that I'm not with my daughter, that I'm not the one showing Sasuke-dan'na that she's our child, but I hope you won't be mad when I, too, like my father before me, made her the jinchuuriki for Kurama. He agreed to keep his end of the deal and keep her safe, to keep her from getting in trouble and to help her when needed -and he knows what I'm talking about- I also made a seal on my daughter so that Kurama's chakra won't affect her like it had with me, she won't be able to use his chakra until she's ready to go through with the training that I went through. I talked with Raikage, and he's agreed to let his next successor to train her when the time is right with Gyuuki and his host. She will become a fine kunoichi, just like her parents before her.

The seal I used to seal Kurama into Yuuki is the same seal my father used; the eight trigram seal. It's a strong seal, I know personally. Also, keep her healthy, I know Sasuke-dan'na will do a fine job, no, better than fine, he'll do an amazing job because I know his love flows greater than any human on earth.

Tell Shizune to keep you out of the sake for a couple of days, but I know you'll be able to get into it once you learn what I've done. Just stay happy knowing I won't be suffering anymore. I know it'll be like losing a little brother all over again, but please, try to be happy. You have a village to look after, and I give full reigns of being Hokage to Sasuke-dan'na, when our daughter is a couple years old and in school. He deserves the title, because we wouldn't have won the war without him no matter what others think.

Keep a good look out for my friends, they'll need to be occupied, but don't let them go and put themselves in danger, I don't think I could handle it if they went through a mission and ended up dying because of me. Oh, make Shikamaru-kun Sasuke-dan'na's right hand man, Sasuke-dan'na might not need it, but he will. Shikamaru-kun is the best anyone could ask for. Well, either right hand man or Captain of the ANBU unit, his brains will do good there, and you know I'm right.

Sasuke-dan'na, I'm back to you, I know this will be a very hard place for you, but I need you to be strong, if not for just your sake, but for Yuuki's sake as well, she'll need a strong father and I know you'll be strong for her. She has my eyes, and she has my smile.

Now, to get serious again, I've left her Kurama, and no one but you, Tsunade, Iruka, Kakashi and our friends know this truth and I'd like to keep it that way until she's able to control his chakra. You have my permission to go and speak to him yourself through her, and he'll tell you all the promises he's made me. Trust me, he's become a better being with my help, I even had him smiling since the war. He knows what his purpose is now, and he'll keep fighting to keep it that way. I've also made a seal on top of the eight trigram seal that I sealed him into her with to make sure his chakra won't leak out on accident, and it won't weaken until she's training to control his chakra. I've made it so she won't learn how until she's around fifteen - eighteen, and that's a rough estimate.

I know she'll have the sharingan, because she's your daughter. But always remember, the sharingan isn't something to strive to have, remember what the previous Kage, the Shodaime, Nidaime, Sandaime and Yondaime, have told you before you helped in the war, that's something to keep close to your heart. I know you'll do great in raising her, and she'll love you always.

I love you dan'na, and I always will, be happy, and I know I've said that a lot in the letters written here, and it's because I meant it.

Be happy and with much love;

Naruto Uchiha

P.S; Sasuke-dan'na, wait until Yuuki's ten before telling her the truth, either at that age, or when she graduates from the academy. It's your choice. Good bye, and I'll see you all again soon.


End file.
